This is my life as I know it........

 Well, as it is now.  I'm hoping for a major transition.  Of course, we know that will take very long to happen.  It will take a lot of work!

           It has been a long time coming.  Life has really been very stressful.  Yeah, I know we all have our stress makers. This is mine...

           Though I love him so, he can make our lives so bad at times, I have so often thought of leaving.  But, for some reason beyond my control, I end up staying every time.  I almost made it, but a family member close to me decided, after 22 yrs together, I was crazy  to leave or this person was frightened for some reason.

           I can't begin to tell you how difficult it is for me to live in this egg shell life!   Wondering what type of mood he will be in today when he gets home.  How inebriated he is going to be.... it's not a life I wanted to continue to be in.  I will not do it again!!!!

          Our life together has taken a turn for what I hope is the beginning of a new and happier life.  I so long for that.  I don't even care if we have sex in it or not.  Just to be happy is good enough for me.... maybe the rest will fall into place.. :)   

           I now am going to meetings that I am so greatful for.  These people have already begun to give me the strength I need to go on.  Even the rest of my struggles from my childhood have begun to ease in my mind.  The constant verbal abuse I got from my sibling, it was the whole time I lived with him.  Yet, we loved each other THEN.   Now, since the time I was seventeen, we grew so far apart, then he married her.  We don't even see each other anymore. :(  My nephews don't even know their cousins or aunt and uncle.. This has  been so painful for me.  Why do people grudge this way?  I had know idea someone could be so cold and heartless to even let something like this continue.  No matter how many ways I tried to connect with him, he continued to ignore my efforts.  I have given up trying.  It's very clear, He doesn't want me in his life.  

            This is a piece of my life, I will continue as my fingers want to type and my mind is spilling....... lets heal together!!  

Write back let me know your thoughts or feelings on this or any subject in your life causing pain now or in your past you wish to share.... to help heal others.  thank you!